I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
