you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
