I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
