he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
