My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
