How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
