A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
