I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
