I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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