how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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