Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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