it was like his penis was on wheels.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
