R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
