Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
