Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
