we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
