If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
