She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
