Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
