so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
