I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
