I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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