I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
