so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
