sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
