She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You need a sexual gate keeper
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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