Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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