so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
