Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
