Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
