So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
