I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I deserve this hangover.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
