Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
