she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
