Don't you send me to vm
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
