So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the condom got lost in my hair
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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