We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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