im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
