while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
