Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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