We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
