i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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