A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
