Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She bit a glass in half.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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