Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
