Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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