Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
