that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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