So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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