i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
