I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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