I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
