My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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