It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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