I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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